I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
