cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
