Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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