Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
its liver damage thursday
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
