i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
