rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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