What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
