mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
