I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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