get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize