How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
