My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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