I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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