Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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