So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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