you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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