can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize