I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize