i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
