his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
