NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
