I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
