it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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