How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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