What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
