we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize