I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
