just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
