you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
