She is in my trunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
