I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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