what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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