I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just had sex on a roof
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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