He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
