dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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