Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
