I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
