I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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