Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize