hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
