oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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