this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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