I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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