this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
