I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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