You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
