The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
