so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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