She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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