I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
