you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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