I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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