textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
