Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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