Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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