Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
