Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
