i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
