I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
