hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize
