Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
