I need to stop coming to work sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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