Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
