I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
