As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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