Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
