Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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