Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
