You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
