It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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