The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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