I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize