people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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