We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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