It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize