I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
