I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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