Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
